Like a stream flows down a sloping hill
It is to me when I am with u
I am the water and your are the hill
When I flow, you guideth me
whereever you go, I will follow
To the ends of the valley I will find
To the top of the hill I will stay
For I know You are everywhere
You are in the trees
and I in the leaves
You are in the wind
and I in the birds
You are in flower and I in the bee
and you are my moon and i am the night
Life with you is a miracle comes through
Life with you gives me hope
Life with you gives me love
Life with you gives me strength
Life with you gives me peace
When you are not there
I feel lost
Lost in the forest
Lost in the castle
Lost in the desert
Lost in the soul
But, when I shout 'Where are you?"
You appear next to me
You came without a sound
Your voice soft and loving
Your presence ever giving
You came to me with a smile
that stayed with me
For years to come.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Comfort of a prayer.
MY Life came crashing down when I let it control me. I don't even know where am I in this world. I feel lost and alone. I don't even feel I belong here. I walked around the house just questioning what is it I am feeling inside and what is worrying me so much. I shoke my head i still don't know why you treat me so.
I have no mood to eat nor smile. I don't even enjoy watching my dvd today. Sighs.. is there something wrong with me? I used to snap out of this straight away. Why is it lingering and clinging on me for such a long time. I wish i just have the answer! Something to comprehend what I feel inside and out. Something I can grasp physically not something i can't see nor touch.
I recieved an sms. I was so shock and suprise to get it as I don't usually get it from the beyond. I read it and I was filled with mix emotion. I felt shock, sad and upset. Why does it have to be me? Why can't I live a normal life? You of all people should know that I am so fragile inside. I just cannot handle this anymore. You ask too much from me. Please I beg of you let me know what you are feeling inside. Don't keep me out from your gaze and your warm touch. I have longed for that since we met.
I shut my eyes and a tear fell on my pillow as I lay on the bed. My fingers grasp the blanket tightly and my legs curled up. I was so vulnerable and naked. Is there anyone there, I knock? I shout, YOur Name. But, I don't hear your voice. I put my palms together and prayed. "Father, let this cup of burden pass. Please I don't want to feel this way anymore. You are my only hope and salvation. I only Know You. You always call me close so that you can hear my worries. I pray now that you will be here with me right now. I need you Now and Forever. Thank you Father".
I opened my eyes and my heart felt lighter. My vision was clearer. I still feel lonely but felt assured that a God given friend will come and help me carry my cross. With this in mind, I sat up from my bed and walked towards the LIGHT!
I have no mood to eat nor smile. I don't even enjoy watching my dvd today. Sighs.. is there something wrong with me? I used to snap out of this straight away. Why is it lingering and clinging on me for such a long time. I wish i just have the answer! Something to comprehend what I feel inside and out. Something I can grasp physically not something i can't see nor touch.
I recieved an sms. I was so shock and suprise to get it as I don't usually get it from the beyond. I read it and I was filled with mix emotion. I felt shock, sad and upset. Why does it have to be me? Why can't I live a normal life? You of all people should know that I am so fragile inside. I just cannot handle this anymore. You ask too much from me. Please I beg of you let me know what you are feeling inside. Don't keep me out from your gaze and your warm touch. I have longed for that since we met.
I shut my eyes and a tear fell on my pillow as I lay on the bed. My fingers grasp the blanket tightly and my legs curled up. I was so vulnerable and naked. Is there anyone there, I knock? I shout, YOur Name. But, I don't hear your voice. I put my palms together and prayed. "Father, let this cup of burden pass. Please I don't want to feel this way anymore. You are my only hope and salvation. I only Know You. You always call me close so that you can hear my worries. I pray now that you will be here with me right now. I need you Now and Forever. Thank you Father".
I opened my eyes and my heart felt lighter. My vision was clearer. I still feel lonely but felt assured that a God given friend will come and help me carry my cross. With this in mind, I sat up from my bed and walked towards the LIGHT!
Close to my Heart.
I ponder on how my friends are coping with their studies. I remember when i did my exams, it was a daunting time just by studying alone. Ever worried that I may not retain the knowledge and facts that I learn the night before or the hour before. Ever caution of my health because its is winter time now and cold and flu is flying around. Looking back at those memories, made me realise that having friends close by, a positive msg from my friends or a friendly call had made me motivate myself to study more in a positive light. I felt i wasn't alone doing my exams. There are other people like my friends who are going through the same experience as i am.
Now when i am working, i feel that praying for my dear friends is the most important thing. Praying for them to show that we are one body in Christ. With our individual talents and gifts we are asked to support each other in any way we can. Never one of Christ Body will be left out. To all my friends out there, we will always have you in our prayers and in our hearts. Hugs! we will see you at the finishing line congrating you and embracing you for the efforts you put in your studies. Then, we will be together once more. enjoying God's every loving presence and his blessings.
Now when i am working, i feel that praying for my dear friends is the most important thing. Praying for them to show that we are one body in Christ. With our individual talents and gifts we are asked to support each other in any way we can. Never one of Christ Body will be left out. To all my friends out there, we will always have you in our prayers and in our hearts. Hugs! we will see you at the finishing line congrating you and embracing you for the efforts you put in your studies. Then, we will be together once more. enjoying God's every loving presence and his blessings.
Into my heart! You will see!
Hmm.. it has been a long time i written a blog and time flies so fast.. i was a child now i am an adult. I wonder where did all the bright and fun days we all had. The time we shared icecream together and sit on a bench on the park, just to watch the sun set past and holding our hands and knowing we will be together forever..
Where did all that dissapear? where is it i ask you? Did it drift away like a clound into the beyond? Did we love each other and feel the warm and tingling we felt for each other for the first time? Was all those a lie. I sighed. I imagine that you walk away from me leaving me alone at the bench. Leaving me cold and alone.
Why did you leave me? Did I say something wrong? Was I like the other people you met? One who leave you when there is struggle? Can I stand up and carry when you are down? or will I just fall?
Sighs.. i gazed into the sunset alone on the bench.. then i felt you brush my shoulder. I look at you as i hold your hand. You just look so lovely like the first time we met. No longer strangers anymore but closest friend. I brush your hair aside as the cool breeze catch you hair. You smiled and put my hand onto your heart. I wonder what does it mean? i don't understand. You gaze at me lovingly and nod. A reassurance feeling came over me and I put your hand onto my heart.
As we touch, i felt an overwhelming presence that I never felt before. Tears roll down my eyes and my hand start to shake of fear. You hold my hands firmly. I calmed down. Deep down in my heart, doubts of fear and loneliness was begining to crumble with each tear drop. I walked into my inner chamber of my heart. Afraid of the unknown, I walked carefully and nimbly not to fall on my knees again. I stood in front a gold enlaid door. I tried to open it but it was locked. Yet, I knew that I had the key. I slip my hand into my pocket and pull out the key. I looked at the key with amazement gaze. The key had your name on it. Tears become to roll once more.
What will I see behind this door? Will I drop and run away because of my wrong doings? Will you again welcome me when I didn't?
I stood at the door for awhile wiping away my tears and began to slid the key into the key hole. Click!.
Where did all that dissapear? where is it i ask you? Did it drift away like a clound into the beyond? Did we love each other and feel the warm and tingling we felt for each other for the first time? Was all those a lie. I sighed. I imagine that you walk away from me leaving me alone at the bench. Leaving me cold and alone.
Why did you leave me? Did I say something wrong? Was I like the other people you met? One who leave you when there is struggle? Can I stand up and carry when you are down? or will I just fall?
Sighs.. i gazed into the sunset alone on the bench.. then i felt you brush my shoulder. I look at you as i hold your hand. You just look so lovely like the first time we met. No longer strangers anymore but closest friend. I brush your hair aside as the cool breeze catch you hair. You smiled and put my hand onto your heart. I wonder what does it mean? i don't understand. You gaze at me lovingly and nod. A reassurance feeling came over me and I put your hand onto my heart.
As we touch, i felt an overwhelming presence that I never felt before. Tears roll down my eyes and my hand start to shake of fear. You hold my hands firmly. I calmed down. Deep down in my heart, doubts of fear and loneliness was begining to crumble with each tear drop. I walked into my inner chamber of my heart. Afraid of the unknown, I walked carefully and nimbly not to fall on my knees again. I stood in front a gold enlaid door. I tried to open it but it was locked. Yet, I knew that I had the key. I slip my hand into my pocket and pull out the key. I looked at the key with amazement gaze. The key had your name on it. Tears become to roll once more.
What will I see behind this door? Will I drop and run away because of my wrong doings? Will you again welcome me when I didn't?
I stood at the door for awhile wiping away my tears and began to slid the key into the key hole. Click!.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Weekend came and flew away in just 3 minutes
Okay! I have about 18 minutes to blog about what I did during the weekend. Let see if I can summarise everything in several paragraph. Here we go
I asked for a leave on Friday, 01/10/09 as I needed a break from the last couple weeks of hectic traveling up and down from Sydney to Melbourne. On Friday, I went out with my close friends to the zoo. We had a great time there even though it was cold in the morning with a few showers. We went around snapping, posing, and (stopped blogging because my colleague asked me a question and I took a sip of my Nestlo) playing hide and seek with the animals. After a long day in the zoo, we went back to the city for dinner at Universal where I ate my usual T-bone steak, medium rare with mushroom sauce. Delicous! YummY!.
Day passed. Saturday arrived. Today we woke up early in the morning (stopped to think what to type next) for Sport's day. Sports day started with a shiver and end with empty groaning tummy and aching stiff muscles. I did not participate in the event for the same known reasons i.e. aching stiff muscles. I had training on Sunday so I better not injure myself on Saturday. Sports day turn out great, Some had some bruises on their knee/ankle, blister on the palm, aching stiff muscles. But, everyone had a great time. I had a great time too being there amongst the cheers,laughters,screams and bumps.
Okay I better be quick now. Another 9 more minutes till end of work and start of break of the day. Sunday came and stayed up for long long long long long time due to daylight savings. One hour ahead this time. Bugger! No more extra sleep in but more time outdoors. Spent the whole time training indoors though. Training went well even willingly try new things. One thing I will treasure most when someone in front of me said Oh man, I got a backache!. I ponder on this and I found myself laughing a little.
If you have a backache, what about me? I have headache! running, jumping, spinning, breathing and kneeling in less than 3 minutes. I think it was a top effort on my side to be the last person standing :)
I asked for a leave on Friday, 01/10/09 as I needed a break from the last couple weeks of hectic traveling up and down from Sydney to Melbourne. On Friday, I went out with my close friends to the zoo. We had a great time there even though it was cold in the morning with a few showers. We went around snapping, posing, and (stopped blogging because my colleague asked me a question and I took a sip of my Nestlo) playing hide and seek with the animals. After a long day in the zoo, we went back to the city for dinner at Universal where I ate my usual T-bone steak, medium rare with mushroom sauce. Delicous! YummY!.
Day passed. Saturday arrived. Today we woke up early in the morning (stopped to think what to type next) for Sport's day. Sports day started with a shiver and end with empty groaning tummy and aching stiff muscles. I did not participate in the event for the same known reasons i.e. aching stiff muscles. I had training on Sunday so I better not injure myself on Saturday. Sports day turn out great, Some had some bruises on their knee/ankle, blister on the palm, aching stiff muscles. But, everyone had a great time. I had a great time too being there amongst the cheers,laughters,screams and bumps.
Okay I better be quick now. Another 9 more minutes till end of work and start of break of the day. Sunday came and stayed up for long long long long long time due to daylight savings. One hour ahead this time. Bugger! No more extra sleep in but more time outdoors. Spent the whole time training indoors though. Training went well even willingly try new things. One thing I will treasure most when someone in front of me said Oh man, I got a backache!. I ponder on this and I found myself laughing a little.
If you have a backache, what about me? I have headache! running, jumping, spinning, breathing and kneeling in less than 3 minutes. I think it was a top effort on my side to be the last person standing :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Awaken the Golden Lion in me
Lion dance. What is it about Lion Dance that really attracts me when I was young ambitious boy.
I remember when I was 10 years old, I always look forward for Chinese New year to come. Besides, the red pockets or "Ampau" that we receive from our aunties and relatives, another thing that always brings me back fond memories was the LION or "tak tung cheng" we, kids called it. Whenever, we visited our chinese relatives day or two before Chinese New Year, we always try to find if they have a small Lion head around. If they have one, we always play pretend that we are performing the actual thing. We normally performed out of adult eyes in case they criticise or laugh at us.
I remember I was the drummer and my cousins was the lion performers. We acted like the adults do, banging the drums and mimicking the moves i.e. moving the lion head side to side or pretending we are running away from the firecrackers or eating mandarin oranges just like that actual performers do on the actual day. We always takes turn with the drums and lion head. We could do this like from 9am to 5 pm non stop just enjoying and laughing and having a great time.
As Chinese New celebration, rolled by, I always find myself having good hearing even amongst all the firecrackers to notice even the faint drumming sound of the Lion dance. As soon, as I hear one, I normally cycle to my friend's house and soon after we will be cycled to the beat of the drums. Reaching at our destination, we used our bicycles seat as our sitting stool as we sat and watched the performance. Not long after, the performance ended and we felt sad. We wanted more. Sometimes, if we are lucky we are given red ampau just being there watching the performance. We repeat this scene over and over again in just one day. As soon, one of us spot a convoy of lion dance performers, we normally tail the convoy as fast as our little legs can carry us to the performer's location. Although it was tiring but at the end of the day, we were so delighted and chirpy talking about how many unblown firecrackers did we collect or how much money did we get from visiting each houses. Mind you, this was just only on the first day of Chinese new year and normally the celebrations lasted for three days.
So now after 14 years later from that day, I am now the performer and learning the intricates of the lion dance. As, I was walking along our stall on Fiesta Malaysia, 27 September 2009, I noticed a young boy, no more than 7 years old gazing and pointing the lion dance photos and looking at his parents lovingly but with excitement in his eyes. Fond memories of my childhood flooded back as I squat with him and explain each photos to him tenderly my love of the dance that brought me closer to my Chinese Culture that had lay been sleeping for 14 years.
I hope in time to come, I will endeavour to work hard on my performance so that one day I will inspire future generations to pick up this long living traditions of the LION DANCE.
I remember when I was 10 years old, I always look forward for Chinese New year to come. Besides, the red pockets or "Ampau" that we receive from our aunties and relatives, another thing that always brings me back fond memories was the LION or "tak tung cheng" we, kids called it. Whenever, we visited our chinese relatives day or two before Chinese New Year, we always try to find if they have a small Lion head around. If they have one, we always play pretend that we are performing the actual thing. We normally performed out of adult eyes in case they criticise or laugh at us.
I remember I was the drummer and my cousins was the lion performers. We acted like the adults do, banging the drums and mimicking the moves i.e. moving the lion head side to side or pretending we are running away from the firecrackers or eating mandarin oranges just like that actual performers do on the actual day. We always takes turn with the drums and lion head. We could do this like from 9am to 5 pm non stop just enjoying and laughing and having a great time.
As Chinese New celebration, rolled by, I always find myself having good hearing even amongst all the firecrackers to notice even the faint drumming sound of the Lion dance. As soon, as I hear one, I normally cycle to my friend's house and soon after we will be cycled to the beat of the drums. Reaching at our destination, we used our bicycles seat as our sitting stool as we sat and watched the performance. Not long after, the performance ended and we felt sad. We wanted more. Sometimes, if we are lucky we are given red ampau just being there watching the performance. We repeat this scene over and over again in just one day. As soon, one of us spot a convoy of lion dance performers, we normally tail the convoy as fast as our little legs can carry us to the performer's location. Although it was tiring but at the end of the day, we were so delighted and chirpy talking about how many unblown firecrackers did we collect or how much money did we get from visiting each houses. Mind you, this was just only on the first day of Chinese new year and normally the celebrations lasted for three days.
So now after 14 years later from that day, I am now the performer and learning the intricates of the lion dance. As, I was walking along our stall on Fiesta Malaysia, 27 September 2009, I noticed a young boy, no more than 7 years old gazing and pointing the lion dance photos and looking at his parents lovingly but with excitement in his eyes. Fond memories of my childhood flooded back as I squat with him and explain each photos to him tenderly my love of the dance that brought me closer to my Chinese Culture that had lay been sleeping for 14 years.
I hope in time to come, I will endeavour to work hard on my performance so that one day I will inspire future generations to pick up this long living traditions of the LION DANCE.
Monday Ramblings after a busy weekend
Once more, I have thrown into the deep end of the pool. I knew that it would be happen and I was preparing myself once more to dive in, but I didnt quite enjoy to dive in three times now.
What I am refering to is my current job situation. Two weeks ago, I was asked by my boss to perform loading/sampling supervision for containers in Dubbo, NSW. This job was for 42 containers which were broken down into 4 partial shipments. My inspector did the first inspection which was fine with me. Then, because we are trying to lower our cost of expenses, I was asked to do this inspection. I don't mind at first because it was just one more time and I expected that my boss/colleague will help me by doing the next couple inspection.
I didnt know or wasn't told that I was needed for the last three shipments. I am pissed off because I don't want to do it. I done it once, twice but I never got anything out of it. I don't see where I will benefit for me doing this container inspection. I am not being paid allowance per day to go out there to do this inspection. I was doing for my own free will. I had other stuff planned already and I had to postpone for work. I am frustrated/ticked off/tired of organising and spending my money on work and not saving or at least pamper myself with some TLC with my own earnings.
So, now, I will be leaving from Melbourne to Dubbo once more. I do hope everything goes to plan and that I don't intend to mess things up or no delay in flights heading down to Sydney or departing from Sydney airport. I want everything to go to plan and reach home at least in the evening time so I can take a breather.
I am planning to take a day off on Friday. I deserve a break. I have been away for business trip for 6 consecutive alternate days. A day off on Friday will be a stress relief for me so I can really recharge my battery and spend time resting.
On another note, yesterday's weather in Melbourne was dreadful. Rain/cold/strong wind/Rain/Sun/near freezing temperature in a day. I commented that I never felt so tired before by just standing in the cold elements of Melbourne weather looking at the performance that took place at Queensbridge Square. I think I lost some of my fat cells that time too as my body was trying it best to burn off the extra fat to keep my body warm. After, the performance, we had a nice easy stroll down the Art and fair market. It was nice and enjoyable as I was inspired by the architecture and the atmosphere of the market. I will one day spend the whole morning taking photographs of the market's atmosphere with my trusted D90.
What I am refering to is my current job situation. Two weeks ago, I was asked by my boss to perform loading/sampling supervision for containers in Dubbo, NSW. This job was for 42 containers which were broken down into 4 partial shipments. My inspector did the first inspection which was fine with me. Then, because we are trying to lower our cost of expenses, I was asked to do this inspection. I don't mind at first because it was just one more time and I expected that my boss/colleague will help me by doing the next couple inspection.
I didnt know or wasn't told that I was needed for the last three shipments. I am pissed off because I don't want to do it. I done it once, twice but I never got anything out of it. I don't see where I will benefit for me doing this container inspection. I am not being paid allowance per day to go out there to do this inspection. I was doing for my own free will. I had other stuff planned already and I had to postpone for work. I am frustrated/ticked off/tired of organising and spending my money on work and not saving or at least pamper myself with some TLC with my own earnings.
So, now, I will be leaving from Melbourne to Dubbo once more. I do hope everything goes to plan and that I don't intend to mess things up or no delay in flights heading down to Sydney or departing from Sydney airport. I want everything to go to plan and reach home at least in the evening time so I can take a breather.
I am planning to take a day off on Friday. I deserve a break. I have been away for business trip for 6 consecutive alternate days. A day off on Friday will be a stress relief for me so I can really recharge my battery and spend time resting.
On another note, yesterday's weather in Melbourne was dreadful. Rain/cold/strong wind/Rain/Sun/near freezing temperature in a day. I commented that I never felt so tired before by just standing in the cold elements of Melbourne weather looking at the performance that took place at Queensbridge Square. I think I lost some of my fat cells that time too as my body was trying it best to burn off the extra fat to keep my body warm. After, the performance, we had a nice easy stroll down the Art and fair market. It was nice and enjoyable as I was inspired by the architecture and the atmosphere of the market. I will one day spend the whole morning taking photographs of the market's atmosphere with my trusted D90.
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