A small part of myself

I sometimes gets frustrated when people think I am just a fly on the wall. or say that I am too old to do this or too serious to have a conversation or too boring or I don't look like their ideal friend/boy friend or I am not their type.

As God had made us all unique in his eyes, so I am unique in diferent ways. When I was young, I never knew how to speak until I was 7 years old. I mumbled and stumbled and stuttered my words. My friends pick on me because of my sttutters. I do not pick up things fast like my other siblings. I am a slow learner and it took mum many trials and patience and time to see me where I am today.

I used to be a hard, studborn, short tempered child. I relish on the fights I had when I was kinder and primary where only thing that people can stop teasing me was to beat them up to pulp. (matter of speaking). Yes, I was called to the principal's office daily. But, this just one of many mask I carry to hide my innocence and naive nature in me.

As I grew up, I became accustomed to being a rebel. I went out with my friends to go fishing or hunting when I am supposed to be at home doing my work or studying. or playing soccer at our friends place after class and only come back when I can't run anymore. I began to make a name of myself around the neighbourhood as the Leader of the pack because whenever we go out, 4 or 5 of us will be on the bicycle chasing after each other or doing imaginary dungeon walks under the moonsoon drain, or looking for frogs/tadpoles in the drain. We didnt care much about the cuts/bruises/laceration that we had from doing all this stuff. It was the thrill to be out in fresh air and spending time with friends. We normally had our Saturday afternoon siesta down the river and put our handmade fishing rod to use.

We never ever caught any fish while we were fishing but we talked and imagined we caught a huge fish and we have to grab our rod and pull to bring the fish in. We had our normal icy poles which was 25 cents per icy poles and never grew hungry as we grab as much food that we could get from home or around for our little fishing trip.

Then mum and dad bought two puppies. My fascination/love and interest for animals grew exponentially. The puppies grew big and strong. At night, when I am lonely and no one is paying much attention to me because I was the youngest, I spend most of the time with the puppies. I talked to them, cuddle them and cry with them. They mean a lot to me especially when I was going through a tough stage at that time. They grew and I grew and we became a real pack. They looked to me as the leader and a friend. I looked to them as my friends and companions. They were the only friends that I became close to. I had no human friends back then.

This interests kept me alive and well and I brought this interest to everywhere I went. I learned to dissect guppies when I was 10 years old and took care tadpoles/frogs as my hobby. I learned to observe how a cat move, a dog run, a bird sing, insects hum and frogs croak. Each behaviour was significant to me because I didnt had a teacher to teach me about science. At night, I spend most of my time listening to night sounds, trying to understand what is the cricket is saying or why is dog barking or howling. My oral communications improved as well from my conversation with my animal friends. I said Good morning everyday and a good night to all my friends.

I became more patience and understanding person. I wasnt the rebel, studborn or short tempered child anymore. I learnt to be responsible and obedience in the earlier age. When I stepped into the teenager's stage, my mind was mature for my age. The way I talk and the way I present myself changed. I think before I speak and reflect on what other people is saying. I listened to people attentively and absorb what they are trying to tell me.

I am the person who you see me today. During my taekwondo years, the skills that I learn when I was child was re-estadblished once more in my core nature. I learn to be gentle and respected my peers, boy or girl. I learn to be restrain my physical actions and learned to be diplomatic.
I see the world in a bird eye's view. Seeing the whole picture and planning each step by step as the bird is building a nest.

I have my bad days and my naughty days. Days when I am angry and start beating and trampling/blaming myself because of my silly mistakes or my incompetence to show my feelings/emotions to everyone around. Days when I played prank on others; mean pranks. Days when I just stop talking to anyone for a month and not tell them why. I can be calm and gentle outside but inside of me a hot furnace is burning and oil is nearly over flowing.

So, please be gentle with this giant. Though he seemed serious or lack of emotion, inside he is just a small furry puppy who wants to know and get to know you. Treat him like how you want to be treated yourselves.

If I do pester you with sms or call you at night for several times, its how I say I really care for you and my friends/family count more than anything else in the world. If I took care of you when you're not feeling well, please don't think that I am taking advantage of you. I am your friend. If we do get into argument or disagreement, please be honest with me. I can't read your mind. One thing I don't like is not telling openly what you feel. Best to be open so I can be open with you.

But, a quick warning, if you snicker behind my back, make fun of my appearance, or hurt my closed loved ones. I can be a raging bull. I dont see the red light. My first and fore most is to protect. To protect my friends and loved ones and willingly put my life in front to make my friends safe. I will fight for my loved one's interest and honor. Nothing can stop me to protect what I hold dearly most is the dignity and honor of my loved one and friends.

Blogging and the fascination of reading about people's thoughts and life

I wonder what is the point of blogging. What is blogging? When I first heard that I thought it was some computer game or just some slang for let say studying or reading.

According to our infamous Wikipedia online, they state the following;

A blog (a contraction of the term "weblog")[1] is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs.

Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (artlog), photographs (photoblog), sketches (sketchblog), videos (vlog), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Micro-blogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts."

I still don't see why the fascination in Blogging. I find when i read other people's blog, (not stalking by the way), it seemed that blog entries are to them like creating a short story of their daily activities. Some sort of diary entry but for public viewing. Gone were the days when siblings will get into trouble in reading the other's diary entries, where secrets or crushes or embarassing events were known to kept in private.

Now, everyone in the whole world will know what you are up to. Similar to Facebooking or Twitter. Thank goodness I don't have Twitter. Don't want to try and don't want to know. Heard Twittering, you actually get to know what the other people are smsing. Scary thought when people are actually checking up on you, like for example parents over their teenage children or people in relationships.

I find facebooking for me is good enough at this stage. I dont want some high fancy program to scan for me when i am out and about in the city, with my friends or with my 'date'.

Come on people give us some privacy here! Ignorance is bliss!

So, reading about people's thoughts. Do you think its like counselling therapy? Oh, I know what you are thinking? You must be feeling this or that. Here, let me tell you what You must think or do. Or oh really, i didnt know that..... I don't know. I guess everyone have their own style of blogging. I am more expressive, one narrator, finding meaning behind the object or words I use to describe an event in my life. I like to put general objects i.e. rain/spider web and twist it around and make it have dual meaning.

One way to shoo away potential stalkers or gossipers that might bump into my blog entry.

Also, there is political blogs, multimedia blogs, corporate blogs and so on. They are too sophiscated for one like myself.

I think I just stick to the old personal blog. I have no dreams of getting myself into a political heat fight or worst been kicked out from my home country.

5 mans in UK and Raiding in Naxx

I would say now I have some time for myself, I am spending more time playing WOW. Last night was my first run as my resto druid. My gear are under par and my heals were erratic. There were no rotation or sequence that was used to make my healing duties much easier. A guild mate of mine advised me to get heal bot before the run. I did and tried on. It seemed okay for now but just sorting what healings spells I need to use and what time.

Oh like, sheep, the tank is getting massive damage from bosses and mobs, what's my next healing spell? Life bloom? Rejuvenate? Restoration or Healing Touch? oh wait, where is my swift mend button? Crap, the hunter is dead! Tank is holding up well until all of his cooldowns were used up. All up to me as noob healer to keep the tank and party alive. Panic button set in. I dont know what to do. HEAL DAMNIT! HEAL!! Smack tank down healer down! First wipe of my resto druid 5 mans experience and this went on for 30 mins later. Wipe after wipe. Not a good start!

Pissed off at myself for not healing well. I decided to leave the party to save people from wasting their gold in their repairs. I continue questing around the area. Got a few quest down and dusted which is good. Now half way to level 69. A good achievement since I can't seem to get the druid experience bar up couple weeks back.

So, now raiding as my main spec as hunter in Naxx. Gosh I really dislike Hagen. If I had a dance teacher like Hagen, I would have screamed and shouted, "LET ME OUT OF HERE", HE WILL KILL ME!" Time and time again I failed miserably for that boss. Luckily, my brother was a pally tank and two other guildies were still there. One was a off tank/off healer and the other was healer/cat dps. It was interesting to see how they manage to solo the boss with ease when all the DPSer were down for the count. FUN! FUN! nevertheless when the Boss went down mmm like after 15 minutes.

Then come, the doggy boss. I was asked to do kiting duty. Which I neither like or dislike. More dislike for I am Marksman and trap capabilities limit my trap duration and my trap effectiveness. I used to be Survival and trapping was much easier and more effective. I had more time with SV to set my traps in wider areas so I have more area to keep the zombie treat away from the doggie. So, the fight went along as normal, me kiting at the back and the rest dpsing in front. Resto druid came and healed and cast root on zombies. Shaman placed a slow totem to help with kiting.

But, at the end, some thing happen. I wasnt able to group the kite mobs in the same area. It went scattered. Mental note when this happen, put distracting shot up. Was trying everything to keep the mob at the sight. Then my Hit points went down quickly! BAM BAM BAM! Hunter dead! grrrrrr pissed me off when my kiting is not up to scratch. I need my dual spec for this. Survival for trapping and Marksman for DPSing. Anyway, the doggy boss went down without a hitch even though he ate some of the zombie treats. Naughty doggy!!!

So, we done two quarters last night. Tonight we will continue with the rest and hoping to get to KT down by late tonight!

So what shall I blog about this time. I havent been myself lately as some would have realised after busy two or three weeks of having to balance between my work life and social life. I have becoming so accustomed to sleeping late at night around 1 or 2 in the morning during week days and like 3 or 4 in the morning during the weekends. I also frequently been out from the house from early mornings and only come home to bed in the middle of the night. My sister had already became worried about me as I havent been home for nearly a week and half. She may think I am up to no good.

I want to put this assumption to rest with this blog. Well if I can. I know I will definitely have more sleepless nights or roaming evening/nights in the city in future but all for a good cause. The past weeks, I have been occupied with youths with their music and their Friday activities. As music is my passion at heart, I am putting all my effort in assisting the youths with their music by providing help whenever necessary. Last gathering we had, I had provided some extras microphones for them to use for their praise and worship. I also assisted them in recording their live performance for them to refer and listen to their fruits of their hard work.

Other than this, my good friend had decided to return home for couple months. We had only been good friends for only 6 months but it seemed that we knew each other muh longer, so for him to leave Melbourne had left a slight gap in my life. So, to help him with his moving his stuff, I offered a hand by transporting his stuff back home and sending him to airport. The farewell was bitter sweet! Happy for him that he is returning home but sad that I dont know when is the next time we can sit down and have a long chat.

All these events had taken place within last two weeks, and I am still recovering from it. On top of that, I may have got myself caught in a small tiny "spider's web". I was struggling to grasp the outline of the "web". What make matter worst, the web was so fine and fragile that every step I take, I was scared that will the "web' lining would break and I would fall into darkness. So I need take each steps with caution. Even in the admist of this, I can see a bright light ahead and hanging down from the ceiling was a sturdy robe to hold on. However, the distance yet seems so distant and I have lots of work to do to get there safely. Dont't rush things my friends say. Just stay focused, they all say. I wanted to throw the white towel down long time ago but I continued to stay commited with the goal ahead.

Who knows if I am able to survive today or tommorow. But, what ever it is, I can still count on my faith In God to support me and bring me Home.

At the moment, I am feeling very tired and my mind is in a such a mess from the last two days. Also, my heart have been devastated about what happen yesterday. Considering all that happen the last 48 hours, I am really amazed that I am still standing proudly and still treating that everything will be alright and back to normal.

But, what positive came up was I felt that was human again when I was just standing in a nice warm foyer talking briefly to my friend. That is where I felt home again. Not worried about anything or be scared about what will happen the next day. It was nice brief chat but one that I will love to continue to have if I have the chance. The conversation we have were sometimes meaningful or somewhat very brief. But, it was still magical like time had stopped for that couple of seconds.

Of all my friends, only two of my best and closest friends knew what happen yesterday that devastated every inch of my heart. Rest in peace my favourite one. I will miss you most, but only for temporarily. In one weeks time, you will be back to normal and my heart will be whole again. I dont dare to say much but only this

'ALWAYS READ THE INSTRUCTION SHEET BEFORE YOU TRY ANYTHING, NEW/DIFFERENT"

Apart from that, our music group TMTJ, did a great job and had proven the critic time and time again that we can still do it even though we are just starting as a small group. The praise and worship was magical more so when it was performed in a informal venue i.e. in the Church Hall. When I stood in the hall, I knew that it would be rather nerve racking to sing to all these people. So I close my eyes instead. It did work as all we reveal our plan with fervent and passion.

I starting to doze off to work. Better do some work before my level of concentration is depleted.


Long house boy - Signing off

I will miss you guys

So what Can I say after all that had happened the last couple days. COSDU just had their AGM. I had watched X MEN twice (awesome movie by the way). I seen and survive near deatch experience and also I experience God's touch in the way I can comprehend. 

What is next? One thing in my mind that is I am excited but sadden is my music group performance this weekend. I for one would love to go and sing and perform with them but time and work schedule does not fit the criteria. To my fellow musicians, if I cant make this saturday, you all will be in my mind and in my heart. I will be praying for the angels to come down to help you sing God's praise. They will bring their angelic voices and instruments to make it the most enriching and satisfying moment of your lives. All I wish now that I will be there to see this present is reveal to everyone on Saturday. 

All the best my dear friends. I do hope I can make it this Saturday. Pray for me so I can make it. If not, I will pray in my way to see you Guys through the day. 

Long house boy - signing off

One last surge of Grace - Part 2

I paused. Another memory flashed by. Not all was bad.

This memory came and comforted me.

"I was now a man. How I became a man? I was a follower. I followed, I questioned and I was rebuked for my persistence. But, they were pleased. They knew how young and inexperienced I was. They did not judge me or left me alone by the side of the road. They took me up and nurtured me. They cared and molded me into the person who I am today. The reason why I am here and in the line of fire is because they had entrusted me to continue with The Faith."

I closed my eyes. With this memory, my will and strength came back.

One last effort I told myself. One last surge of grace.

I looked directly in front of me and heard a loud booming voice shouted an order. It was all blur to me now. I had accepted my fate. I had run my course. I looked my brother and instantly he knew what will happen next.

Suddenly, it was all pitch black. The time is now close. Tears were dripping in my eyes. Every tear that fell on the ground gave me strength. I guess this must be how the apostles/saints must have felt when they stood with their head high as they held fast their FAITH before they were shot or hanged. Proud and strong till death.

And so, in the depths of my heart, I prayed to My True God,

Abba Father, Here I stand before the Courts of Men. They had misjudged me and had mistreated me. But, I kept my word!. I had served your people. I had fed them, sheltered them and protected them. Yet, they rejected me. They had abandoned me when I need them most. However, if one soul today is to be save because of my sacrifice, I am humbly accept my defeat. Let your Will be done as You have said.

Then with one last surge of will, I shouted “Father, if I or mankind had offended you, please forgive us!”

Heard click! And snap. Sound of the rifle cocking up too aim.

A loud Voice shouted Fire!

For a moment there I thought of the time when we stood together as friends in the hall of unbelievers, proclaiming Your Word proudly.....

- THE END -

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

WHEN ALL FAILS IN LIFE, ONLY YOUR FAITH IN GOD'S LOVE IS YOUR STRENGTH!

Long house boy - Signing off