I sometimes gets frustrated when people think I am just a fly on the wall. or say that I am too old to do this or too serious to have a conversation or too boring or I don't look like their ideal friend/boy friend or I am not their type.
As God had made us all unique in his eyes, so I am unique in diferent ways. When I was young, I never knew how to speak until I was 7 years old. I mumbled and stumbled and stuttered my words. My friends pick on me because of my sttutters. I do not pick up things fast like my other siblings. I am a slow learner and it took mum many trials and patience and time to see me where I am today.
I used to be a hard, studborn, short tempered child. I relish on the fights I had when I was kinder and primary where only thing that people can stop teasing me was to beat them up to pulp. (matter of speaking). Yes, I was called to the principal's office daily. But, this just one of many mask I carry to hide my innocence and naive nature in me.
As I grew up, I became accustomed to being a rebel. I went out with my friends to go fishing or hunting when I am supposed to be at home doing my work or studying. or playing soccer at our friends place after class and only come back when I can't run anymore. I began to make a name of myself around the neighbourhood as the Leader of the pack because whenever we go out, 4 or 5 of us will be on the bicycle chasing after each other or doing imaginary dungeon walks under the moonsoon drain, or looking for frogs/tadpoles in the drain. We didnt care much about the cuts/bruises/laceration that we had from doing all this stuff. It was the thrill to be out in fresh air and spending time with friends. We normally had our Saturday afternoon siesta down the river and put our handmade fishing rod to use.
We never ever caught any fish while we were fishing but we talked and imagined we caught a huge fish and we have to grab our rod and pull to bring the fish in. We had our normal icy poles which was 25 cents per icy poles and never grew hungry as we grab as much food that we could get from home or around for our little fishing trip.
Then mum and dad bought two puppies. My fascination/love and interest for animals grew exponentially. The puppies grew big and strong. At night, when I am lonely and no one is paying much attention to me because I was the youngest, I spend most of the time with the puppies. I talked to them, cuddle them and cry with them. They mean a lot to me especially when I was going through a tough stage at that time. They grew and I grew and we became a real pack. They looked to me as the leader and a friend. I looked to them as my friends and companions. They were the only friends that I became close to. I had no human friends back then.
This interests kept me alive and well and I brought this interest to everywhere I went. I learned to dissect guppies when I was 10 years old and took care tadpoles/frogs as my hobby. I learned to observe how a cat move, a dog run, a bird sing, insects hum and frogs croak. Each behaviour was significant to me because I didnt had a teacher to teach me about science. At night, I spend most of my time listening to night sounds, trying to understand what is the cricket is saying or why is dog barking or howling. My oral communications improved as well from my conversation with my animal friends. I said Good morning everyday and a good night to all my friends.
I became more patience and understanding person. I wasnt the rebel, studborn or short tempered child anymore. I learnt to be responsible and obedience in the earlier age. When I stepped into the teenager's stage, my mind was mature for my age. The way I talk and the way I present myself changed. I think before I speak and reflect on what other people is saying. I listened to people attentively and absorb what they are trying to tell me.
I am the person who you see me today. During my taekwondo years, the skills that I learn when I was child was re-estadblished once more in my core nature. I learn to be gentle and respected my peers, boy or girl. I learn to be restrain my physical actions and learned to be diplomatic.
I see the world in a bird eye's view. Seeing the whole picture and planning each step by step as the bird is building a nest.
I have my bad days and my naughty days. Days when I am angry and start beating and trampling/blaming myself because of my silly mistakes or my incompetence to show my feelings/emotions to everyone around. Days when I played prank on others; mean pranks. Days when I just stop talking to anyone for a month and not tell them why. I can be calm and gentle outside but inside of me a hot furnace is burning and oil is nearly over flowing.
So, please be gentle with this giant. Though he seemed serious or lack of emotion, inside he is just a small furry puppy who wants to know and get to know you. Treat him like how you want to be treated yourselves.
If I do pester you with sms or call you at night for several times, its how I say I really care for you and my friends/family count more than anything else in the world. If I took care of you when you're not feeling well, please don't think that I am taking advantage of you. I am your friend. If we do get into argument or disagreement, please be honest with me. I can't read your mind. One thing I don't like is not telling openly what you feel. Best to be open so I can be open with you.
But, a quick warning, if you snicker behind my back, make fun of my appearance, or hurt my closed loved ones. I can be a raging bull. I dont see the red light. My first and fore most is to protect. To protect my friends and loved ones and willingly put my life in front to make my friends safe. I will fight for my loved one's interest and honor. Nothing can stop me to protect what I hold dearly most is the dignity and honor of my loved one and friends.
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